This week's collection of whimsical and curious stories will celebrate the Brexit trade deal that was gifted to us on Christmas Eve 2020. However, rather than marveling at the delicate compromise between fishing quotas and future competition rules in this 2000 page document, we will have a look at some of the more eccentric stories that the past 4.5 years of debate and negotiations have abundantly provided. In doing so, we will try to steer clear of the actual politics.
Lessons learned - One way to interpret the past 4.5 years could be as a string of valuable lessons. We all learned new words and phrases such as "prorogation", "meaningful votes"*, and "humble addresses". We also learned (repeatedly) that "Brexit means Brexit" courtesy of Theresa May. This of course also taught us something about the degree of clarity that existed about what "Brexit" actually meant and how much it seemed to have in common with a breakfast egg (people seemed to prefer it either "hard", "soft", or simply detested it) - Link. Along the way we all became experts on the Irish border question and the "backstop" (another wonderful new word), Scottish nationalism, and of course continental vs. UK tastes in fish (hint: cod and haddock are supposed to go well with chips and vinegar). Finally, we learned something about our own attention span if we try to summarize what actually happened over the past too many years.
Old and new conflicts - Some commentators have suggested that the division around Brexit is best to be understood in terms of the second world war. There was Nigel Farage leading a flotilla down the Thames during the campaign and generally a lot of arguing about how "Churchill would have voted" (Link). It was suggested to deploy the navy to defend UK fishing waters in case of a no-deal scenario reminiscent of the "cod wars" between Britain and Iceland in the mid-20th century (yes, that happened, and might make it into a future edition- Link). Gibraltar also made a frequent appearance and at some point former Tory leader Michael Howard suggested that the Prime Minster would go to war over its sovereignty similar to Thatcher going to war over the Falklands - Link. Even the BBC accidentally got in on the action when they announced Theresa May travelling to Brussels for a new round of negotiations while showing footage of Spitfire (WW2-era) fighters taking off:
This was later put to a "simple human error". The EU leaders would of course not have themselves be outdone by the Brits. Asked by reporters whether he thinks "a special place in hell should be reserved for British MPs promoting Brexit without a plan", Donald Tusk (who was President of the European Council) pointed out that "according to the pope, hell is still empty, which leaves a lot of space [for everybody]" - Link to video.
Preparation for the worst - Brexit also introduced Britons to the basic fear of toilet paper shortage long before COVID turned this into a global state of mind. In October 2019, the parliamentarian Jonathan Edwards officially asked the government how long stocks of this vital commodity would last in case of a no-deal Brexit. He later remarked that the government is "willing to flush the economy down the toilet, but now we won't have the paper to clean up after", helpfully clarifying the cause for his anxiety - Link. He might have also been inspired by Conservative MP Steve Double describing the latest deal proposal in March 2019 during a session of parliament with the following metaphor: “This is a turd of a deal, which has now been taken away and polished, and is now a polished turd. But it might be the best turd that we’ve got”:
The future - With a deal finally agreed upon, conflict and polarization will hopefully give way to brighter days as well as to cooperation between British and (mainland) European friends.
To all readers, a very happy New Year!
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*When asked by BBC Newsnight's political editor, Nicholas Watt, why the Prime Minister pressed ahead with an "indicative vote" she was bound to lose, a UK cabinet minister responded somewhat directly: "I'm past caring, it's like the living dead in here."
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